Why Now?

Part II

"No one left depending on me financially" certainly applies to my kids all being independent now, but it also applies to the fact that I have no spouse to support either. Now, I get that not everyone who is married is responsible for financially supporting their spouse. In fact, my experience may be pretty rare. But, in all three of my marriages I've had the responsibility of financially supporting my spouse to at least some degree. In my first marriage of twenty-four years, my wife (and mother of all four of my children) was a stay-at-home mom. I'm not complaining about that as that was the choice we made at the time and I have no regrets. But supporting six people isn't easy in today's world, and I was in full-on "support" mode beginning three days after I graduated from college.

So when other folks were off living out their gap years...or, at the very least...the life of a single person or childless/two-wage earning couple, I was earning money to support myself and one other person. Then two others. Then, by the time I was 28, five other people. So there was never a time in my life when I could do the things that other people do when they are young: travel, have adventures, volunteer in remote places, etc.. I was working hard, long hours to feed, clothe and house everyone. No complaints! Just the reality of my life at the time.

Then came my second marriage. For a while I wasn't responsible for anything but my half of the collective expenses for the household. But, that included both my favorite ex-wife AND her two sons. Again, I was happy to be a part of their lives and have no regrets or complaints, but the fact is, I was responsible for more than just myself. And, eventually, when we moved to Mississippi I become responsible for solely supporting everyone again. And, of course, with two fine step-sons still living with us there weren't any chances for a Gap Year.

Then came the crazy third marriage. For a variety of reasons I was, once again, back in "full support" mode. At the time I thought that would be a temporary situation until she became employed, but as I eventually learned, the entire point of marrying me was so that I could entirely support her (and preferably in the high-life manner she preferred!). I think I'm just a magnet for women who want to be fully supported. Even when I was dating before I got married the third time, one of the women I dated who had a successful, decades-long career underway, asked if she could quit working and stay at home to contribute in other ways to our relationship other than financially. I never figured out what, exactly, those other ways were but as you can see, they sensed I was a guy who would generally say "yes" to that kind of thing.

Then came the great "Jerry Springer" moment of late 2016: the Facebook engagement announcement of my third wife to another man while still married to me. After trying for 14 months to get her to agree to a divorce, I finally had the "smoking gun" required to end this sad, bizaare chapter in my life:

 

 

So....for the first time in my life...it is just me. Now, don't get me wrong; I'm no Ted Kaczynski who just wants to live a hermit existence in a tiny cabin deep in the woods writing anti-government manifestos all day. I very much prefer the idea of having a partner to go through life with. But, since that isn't currently my situation, I find myself able to even contemplate something like a Gap Year.